There once was an impatient maple Who grew foolishly fast as he was able. The wind blew up his skirt, He tore loose from the dirt, And starred posthumous in this pro-patience fable.
Very cute and a good limerick. My only "negative" comment might be the word choice "posthumous." Seems a little wordy in comparison to the rest of the poem.
Wow, you rhymed! I'm always impressed by that, I'm terrible at it. Maybe that's why I like haiku. Well, you say right in the last line what the moral lesson is, so I can't embarrass myself by guessing wrong :P Personally, I think it's good. Slow down or get swept away is something that inspires me right now, especially after reading this great book, Tuesdays with Morrie.
Cute fableric (new portmanteau!) about an antsy tree that doesn't quite get why trees have their reputation as stalwart anchors of the forest.
And what's more, he PAYS for it in the end! Mwaha!
This reminds me of a song that Aron and I learned from our mom about two very impatient grapes. (Little did we know we were learning a fable!) Maybe Aron will sing it to you all at game, if he hasn't already.
I tend to agree with Erica about the use of posthumous. But at the same time, I'm not sure. Bah, I say it's fine - leave it as-is!
Lacey Waymire is a journalist and mother living in the Sacramento area. Her work has appeared in the Escapist, Sacramento Bee, Colfax Record, and other publications.
Write Club members are writers in California dedicated to creating something new each week. Constructive criticism from the group can only help us get better.
The rules - a new prompt is set every Thursday. Stories are due 8 days after that. Prompter tags the next prompter. Everyone must read and comment on each other's stories.
Why bear wrestling? Writing practice is kind of like wrestling a bear. Looming at six feet, it scares many people off without even needing to show its massive teeth.
All written works are the property of the author and cannot be sold, redistributed, copied, blah blah blah. Don't steal from me and I won't steal from you. Feel free to use the prompts, though - you can't copyright an idea!
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5 comments:
Very cute and a good limerick. My only "negative" comment might be the word choice "posthumous." Seems a little wordy in comparison to the rest of the poem.
Wow, you rhymed! I'm always impressed by that, I'm terrible at it. Maybe that's why I like haiku.
Well, you say right in the last line what the moral lesson is, so I can't embarrass myself by guessing wrong :P
Personally, I think it's good. Slow down or get swept away is something that inspires me right now, especially after reading this great book, Tuesdays with Morrie.
Cute fableric (new portmanteau!) about an antsy tree that doesn't quite get why trees have their reputation as stalwart anchors of the forest.
And what's more, he PAYS for it in the end! Mwaha!
This reminds me of a song that Aron and I learned from our mom about two very impatient grapes. (Little did we know we were learning a fable!) Maybe Aron will sing it to you all at game, if he hasn't already.
I tend to agree with Erica about the use of posthumous. But at the same time, I'm not sure. Bah, I say it's fine - leave it as-is!
You're going to have to get me started on that song, Bro..it's been long and long since we sang it...
I think you're right the word "posthumous" is too wordy there. Any other way I can get across that the tree died succinctly in that line?
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